leap...

i was trying to be optimistic... trying to do stuffs i didn't find worth focusing on before. imagining myself growing older with the amount of responsibilities i'm taking in. happy to show them and tell them to the world. although the child in me is in outrage at the new change, i simply tried to go with the new phase i'm taking.

still... that's just it... i can never be perfect.

most of the people i know, friends, and new acquaintances, even my own mom ask advice from me sometimes. ideas that i feel helpful. and somehow, most of them regard me as someone with utmost wisdom. they even compliment me saying how could i be so understanding, patient, and what a strong woman, that i hardly believe it.

because, i can never be that strong... nor that proud.

i thought i was doing well... i tried preventing myself from doing extreme decisions. especially if it is under the impression of exaggeration. but right now... i just can't bear the idea that i didn't do anything, nor said a word, that might trigger the outbursts...

so, yeah... i have to find my old self...