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"be content with what you have, that had always been a drill.

don't expect for so much, just stay on tract with the will.

must i always suppress my heart, must i learn to stay still?

maybe i would, if i was secured, with what you truly feel."

just a little rhyme to compliment my emotions right now. since last night i had been told by most of the people around, especially those that inspires me most: "stay on tract, keep it up. you're doing well. do this and don't do that... learn to seriously dwell."

there are a lot of things waiting to be done, stuffs that would bring me far. but my heart is so uneasy, i just can't do it without the enthusiasm. why is it so hard to find that thrill? when all you wanted is to be great and share it with. oh i found it so annoying, when you have to get somewhere by sacrificing all your longings.

-break rhyme-

this is what i hate when i start with rhymes, the whole entry just turns out like a pathetic poetry. oh well, glad that's off my chest. that's just it. i have so much to do, so much to think about but i can't focus. other matters bothers me and i just cant find that eager feeling to actually start doing and working. argh! the agony of trying to be patient... understanding everything. they're all asking me the same thing... patience... patience... patience... the mere word drives me to impatience. understand the situation its just temporary, everyone i talk to, they have the same excuse. may it be from a friend, or a family problem, understanding is the key, that's what you should do. yeah i do understand, but must it always be me to do the understanding alone? what about what i feel? i wanna be understood too! i guess even if im turning out so well in this 'controlling your emotion' state, i can't help but wonder: am i the only one to learn this lesson in my lifetime? everyone around me, i just have to understand and adjust? adjust at home, adjust at work, adjust in love...

-deep breathing: breathe in... breathe out...-

yup... im still okay. but for how long?

i badly need the strength... i badly need the guidance.

Lord, help me through...