chances?

this really won't make sense... not at all... its just one of those times where you come to look at your past and ask:

What happened? what went wrong? Why it happened? when will it all be okay?

somehow things for me are going neat. although its quite bumpy and not so perfect, somehow life is going great for me. but when i look around me, it leaves me hoping... if only things didn't go so far off, maybe... maybe life would be better right now. its not that im burdened so bad, no not at all.

half of me wants to end it. i want my own peace. but then again i end up asking myeslf, if things will do come to better terms, would it really be that okay again? will you be able to fill that gap that grew out of the times of bitterness and all that? will it really be that great? will i ever learn to trust?

everything that happened to me, i am grateful. sad, agonizing memories that when i look back i know those are the reasons why i am like this now. im trying to fix the learning. the real essence of what i should've learned way back. but some things.. some things i just dont understand.

there are stuffs that i wanna have again. but would it be worth it? maybe i really shouldn't be part of that memory. i was just an added spice. if only i could just look forward without having to forget. which i know i never would.

sigh...

some things are just left open for chances.